Badly still but less than yesterday + yesterday less certainly than Sunday. Read. Took out the garbage – made bed. Washed dishes + then devoted myself to doing the laundry. Overwhelming prospect for the condition I’m still in. Each handkerchief a tablecloth. The mail however made my day. A dear letter from Margie saying that Sue + she were getting along beautifully now how happy she was at Lake Michigan, how much she missed me + that she loved me “very much.” A sketch enclosed by Sue + a painted pebble from Marg. It made me extremely happy as Margaret has been so much on my mind ever since her horrible stay in L.A. I wrote Sue her birthday card with $25 check for her 18th birthday + told her how happy I’d been to get Marg’s letter. Paid a couple of bills – went to market – home. An evening of tapering off – the heat 110°. They didn’t get to Danny’s pool. Are pouring it tomorrow.
Dick off + out early. [crossed out word] I futzed about a bit. Scale registered 2 1/2 lbs less which was very nice. Sitting at kitchen table I had a sudden idea for a new approach to the idea of Simply John. Loneliness – the motivation. That’s real to everyone whereas the literal-mindedness is a very weak literary device. Sue up at 10. We chatted a little about last night. She likes one of the boys but the threesomeness was too much. We talked about L.A. + Michigan + I asked her if she wouldn’t like to go home (back to L.A.) today. She’s only got a few more days to see her friends there + there’s so obviously nothing for a 17 year old to do here. She seemed to feel alot better when I left the house. I went to the Broadway + got a very pretty pr. of lounging pajamas for Sue and 3 pairs of slacks for Dick. Also Dag Hammerskjold’s book “Markings” for myself. Went by the house on Bonita. Dick not there + Lido + his men were eating lunch Lido waved but didn’t get up and I felt very out of place + unwanted + cried in the car on the way home. Sue was in black despair which served to pull me out of my own despondency. We talked at great length about life, work, living, relationships blah blah. Sue in tears – Nothing would do. Sent her grocery shopping. She tried on the lounging pajamas which were a little too short So I let them out + rehemmed them. She kept trying to get Merle + couldn’t. Then went over to the boy’s motel to get back a necklace she loaned Don last night. They’d checked out + left without calling. That didn’t help the mood. Dick home + went straight to bed which didn’t help my mood. Sue finally got Merle + made arrangements to leave tonight at 10:15. I gave her a miltown + made her lie down. I baked an apple pie + fixed the leg of lamb. Sue up at 6:30. Dick up the same time + went out. Turned out he’d gone to buy Sue a ring and it was really a pretty one. Everyone made an effort at dinner and things were alot better. One of the dogs had dragged a horseshoe into the house + put it on Sue’s suitcase!!! We got to the airport at 9:45. Had to change flights because of a mechanical difficulty. Sue lost her ticket + the parking ticket. All a little hairy but we finally saw her off. We went to the Jungle Club and had some drinks and I got everything off my chest. WOW. Saw Lido there + one of his men named Warren. I told Lido I’d wanted to look around but felt very dumb + he said next time he’d take me around + explain. We came home + had a night cap + gave each other our presents. Dick gave me a really great traveling case + he was very pleased with the slacks which were a perfect fit.
Oh Lord – what a dreary day. Paid rent + wrote Timmy with money for taperecorder plus A.A. Called George Spicer + I can go to his house on Monday for hair cut. I called Joyce to say I doubted if Sue wanted to go bowling + she said she was too busy anyway. No weight loss but presume that’s due to period. Was religious on diet today. Did laundry + watered lawn. Sue up about 11. Watched me ironing handkerchiefs + said something about playing “the home scene.” She had a fairly good time but I’m afraid very little pleases her + I think this visit may have been a big mistake. Her evident disaffection for the town doesn’t help and she’s gotten quieter which is driving me nuts. I went shopping for groceries around noon. Don + Vic, Sue’s friends had stopped by + were coming to get her later. Cashed a check for trip to L.A. + got more diet food. Home at 1:30. Sue off at 3. Dick home + was irritated with me for not having called the eye doctor. Not a word about the things I have done – Just what I hadn’t. I felt extremely sorry for myself + went + lay down for a while. He left + I got up + scrubbed the kitchen floor + cried into the scrub bucket + vacuumed. Had [crossed out letters] meant to go to the Broadway but it was ten of six by the time I was finished + I was exhausted by the diet, self-pity and trying to establish contact with 2 people who don’t communicate + who make each other’s problem worse. I fell asleep + didn’t wake til 7:10. Hadn’t fixed dinner although I’d given Dick meatballs in the afternoon. Dick suggested we go bowling + I agreed. That was the best part of the day. We bowled 5 lines + although I was a little tired I could have done one more if it hadn’t been so late. Played slot machines without success. Came home + Sue was here. 11:30. A half hour of tension as far as I could see + I went to bed. Dick seemed to feel this as a rejection. Christ – I don’t know what to do anymore. Will try tranquillizers tomorrow.
Got my period this a.m. If I’d waited a day I could have forgotten the stupid test. Blah Blah. Was up at 6 – the dogs very noisy. Washed our bedding + the machine started buzzing. Never realized how many noises there are – kept wondering how Sue could sleep. I wrote Leon + sent him a check for $4,000. I wrote Mary + Gen, Betty Nichols + Marian Towne to pave the way for our visit to New London. Then I wrote Daddy. I started on the Quick Weight Loss diet today + stuck to it religiously – Sue up about 11 o’clock. We went shopping and I took her to Decatur Center, Charleston Heights + Vegas Village. Came home + gave her the keys to the car. Dick here then gone again. Timmy called in the a.m. + it was good to talk to him. He has a chance to get a tape recorder from Bruce Barker at a huge discount + I told him I thought he should. In the afternoon I read some of a book called La Belle Otero a grand figure of “La Belle Epoque.” Sue out with the car. She called about 4 + had had trouble with the car – the points went out. She’d run into 2 boys from L.A. One of whom used to work at Judy’s. Talk about luck for all considered. A huge Easter Lily arrived from Newcomb + Anne How nice. I napped for a while – til six. Fixed bitke for Dick. I had lobster meat. A little cold roast beef + some cottage cheese. Sue did not eat. She went out with her friends who seemed like nice boys around 8:30. Dick + I watched “Seven Days In May” on TV. I was really exhausted by the time we went to bed at 11. Hadn’t had a drink to create the illusion of not being tired. However was pleased with myself. Sue took the record player out with her.
Oh dear. Sad day – went + took a pregnancy test and got the results around 4:30. Not pregnant. Had so hoped I was. Cant be for lack of trying. Dick as sorry as I. Was up early knitted on Bill’s sweater. Read “King Solomon’s Mines” by Rider Haggard. Called Lester Kurth + made arrangements for $5,000 to be put in bank. Called Leon + told him I’d be in town on Monday or Tuesday. Spoke with Dr. Bentley about having the test and he sounded nice. Went to Rancho Sahara to the pathologist. Went to Wonder World + bought pillows + braided rug for Sue’s room + then to Vegas Village for scrapbook + groceries. Had a sandwich there. Came home after getting the car washed. Dick home which was a surprise. High wind. Made pumpkin pie + vacuumed. Then called Bentley’s office for negative results. We went + picked Sue up around 5:15. Drove down the strip. Brought her home. She’s all wound up + Dick was very tense too. I had too much to drink which was dumb. Bed at 11:30. Diet tomorrow.
Early up. Diary. Called Mary who sounded in good shape + said Susan would like to come up + visit us. I said that was lovely + would pay the fare. Wonder if she knows Sue already has it. Oh hell. Always seem to be trapped in these situations. Best thing about today was finishing my income tax. Such a relief. Bill Gardner came over in the midst of paperwork mess + me still in my housecoat + slippers. The dogs barked incessantly. I realized he’s deaf after we’d been talking for 5 minutes! Had coffee. The state contractor’s board called – about a complaint by a Mr. Anderson on a pool done in 1967. Happened that George had told me the story + I was able to fill in a little then Mr. Woods called + I found out where Dick + George were working. Began to feel as though I knew a little bit about their work. Forget it. Got a special delivery from Bill good letter except of course – “The stipend – it’s a little skinny can you raise it just a trifle?” Well I’ll raise it to $350.00. Paid gas bill. Dick home + took a nap. I went to Post office and mailed the tax stuff + bought stamps. Then went to Vegas village + got groceries and a chopping board + trivets + bulletin board. Fixed a mushroom + scallion + lettuce salad + hamburgers for dinner. We had alot to drink and I told Dick I wanted to go back East fairly soon. It’s been put off rather. As has everything. We decided to go back on the 12th. Dick for a week and I for two. We talked alot + I know I talked too much. I don’t have any any other soul here I can talk to which makes it bad. Anyway it turns out that I told Dick about a dimly remembered nightmarish drunken episode in Paris. I’ve never told anyone else in the world about it and have no idea of the context in which it came up now.
Accomplished little today. Humbug seems a bit better. I called Sue in the morning and we had a good talk. She’s going to come visit us for a week on April 1st, Allen’s coming out to L.A. for a [crossed out word] convention on the 8th + she’ll go back to Michigan with him on the 9th. Susie said in talking of Mary “She’s losing her kids” and boy I guess she is. It’s sad but the way she’s going at it inevitable. I wrote Sue a note enclosing $75.00. 35 for the plane fare and $40 for some fun before she leaves L.A. – It hasn’t been too gay a return for her either. I spent the morning knitting and reading. Two of the Detective Book Club volumes arrived from Sue – oh glorious day. Dick was back around 2:30 or so and I fixed him a steak sandwich. We lay around + read + napped then decided to go bowling. We bowled two strings and I was so sore + exhausted I could barely lift the ball. It will take some breaking in. We had a nice sort of dinner in the restaurant and had a bottle of wine + then went over to the Safeway. I played 3 quarters in the slot machine and won a $5.00 jackpot. Gave Dick the money for the wine + won another. Gave him half + he won $10 so the evening was on Safeway Stores. Home, played cards + went to bed about 11. Tired –
Slept late today – 11:30. Was hungover and the dishes were an appalling sight. Paid phone bill in L.A. and called the Pet Hotel. Spoke with George who gave me the flight number + said he’d gotten Hummy’s rabies booster. Made bed + ran bath. Dick home – about 1:30 or so. Brought chicken livers which he fixed. After a bath they tasted surprisingly good. He got a letter about a 2nd mortgage he’s holding + has decided to foreclose. We played cards some + had a “pink pussycat’ – and then went to bed for a lovely + needed nap. Mary called at 6:15. Woke Dick [crossed out letters] who hung up on her after a few minutes. Phone rang again almost instantly and it was long distance person to person for me. Said I’d take it + there was Susan on the line. She’d just come in + Mary had handed her the phone. We had a rather strained conversation because I didn’t know if Mary was listening or not. Margie was sent home Sue is now living in Merle’s appt. and she said she’d call me tonight at 11 o’clock. Spoke with Mary who’d “gouged” her palm + “almost severed an artery” Sunday. Went to Lou Scaduto her “former Doctor” so there goes Lou. Les had spoken to Jimmy + Daddy on Sunday??? Mentioned someone named Jeff + when I asked who Jeff was she started coughing + left the phone. Spoke to Sue again + Mary came back to say she’d thrown up. Grand. I told Mary we had to go pick up the dogs + she said to “give them both a kiss + especially Dick.” End of call. Dick went out for the paper and I thought he might be angry but it turned out he wasn’t. Was just upset that he’d been so short with Mary + had gotten a bad headache. He’d told me to call her back + say he was drunk only I hadn’t heard him. Not that I’d ever have done it. Frank Carul called while Dick was out. We went to the Jungle Club for dinner + then to the airport. The dogs didn’t seem to emotionally disturbed by their ride. Hummy very thin. I’m almost sure he has worms. Dick is very good with them. We took them out in the yard + they snuffed their way about. Humbug stepped on something + hurt his paw. Dick + I played cards + waited for Susan’s call which didn’t come + we talked alot – about our life + life in general. Bed about midnight.
Up at 7. Winnie off to Pat Walkers at 8:20. I started in on preparing things for tonight. slicing + paring + washing the raw vegetables and marinating the steaks etc. Rae in at 9:30. Had coffee with me + got started on my signs etc. Said she hoped I was closer to the 22nd + the 24th as I had very strong FAMILY things on latter that would interfere with my career. Well I guess that’s proof that it’s the 24th. Blah Blah Blah. Astrology does allow for “transmutation” which is the essence of analysis. Odd that that’s what I’m working on now with Bob. I cleared the dining room Table of Ritas mss. and papers. When Winnie came back she helped me set it + I wrapped the gifts I have for her and the stationary for the Enelows. I left messages for Henry Jones and for Peggy Pope. Spoke with Mary. We had a low calorie plate at Al’s again + I called Leon. Went to the beach at 1:30. Got there at 2:20. Pleasant time sunning. 910 Via de la Paz at 4:30. I left a card for Bob Iverson. Talked some with Doug. He said that Winnie had odd skin – “doughy” and that’s very often a sign of thyroid imbalance. He felt that it was extremely likely that there was something off as she should have lost weight. Was impressed that she’d stuck to the diet never the less + also with the 7 inch loss. Winnie told me Doug was the “greatest” and that she wished he was her Doctor. So he’s done it again. Came home via Carl’s. Bought cottage cheese, a few diet things + sone ice. Rae + Doug (her friend) stayed for a drink + I asked him tomorrow night. Winnie upset. Mary + the kids arrived at 7 o’clock. Had drinks while the fire got going. Pleasant dinner after which Sue + Marg ran around the block. Invited Winnie who wouldn’t go. They gave her a lovely scarf and a bead set. The kids all left about 9:30 or so. We went upstairs to see Mary Parker. Jim arrived. We had beer. Winnie unhappy about everything – Rae’s friend Doug, Margie, Erica, blah blah blah! She’s an extremely negative child + I find it wearing + was discussing later with Mary Parker who said she’d thought she was going to get sick of my family. I was annoyed + left in a huff. Did a little work on one of Rita’s plays. Think I’ll forget about arrangements with Mary P. for next week.
Up at 7:15 – Coffee with Newcomb. I do think he had a good time. Busy down + took Humbug to the store. He seems to have gotten over his aversion to children. Newcomb + Busy said goodbye to Winnie + Newcomb gave her a $10.00 for her birthday. They left at 8:30 or so. Winnie had breakfast + weighed. Back up to 144. Very discouraged (+ the discouragement is contagious!) I went back to bed about 9:30 – til almost noon. Weird dreams – including a very “bad luck” type dream or E.S.P. – Rosemary’s Baby -type thing. Odd. Was very tired today + found it hard to get off the ground. Winnie extraordinarily lethargic. I caught up diary + made a few calls. Am not rehearsing with Jimmy Goodwin until Thursday. Spoke with Leon. Jane has heard from Jimmy Whelan. He’s got an extra part on Dolly. Left a message on Doug’s service about an appt for Winnie. Mary Parker took Winnie out to Topanga Canyon. God bless her – I went + picked up my dresses from Mrs. Wallick. Came home + sorted out our screenplay – three lovely copies. Then [crossed out word] sorted Lyle’s theatre thing and started reading the last 50 pages of Rita’s novella. Susan came over to pick up the clothes Busy had borrowed from the twins. We had a nice visit. She told me Winnie had been sneaking cake in the kitchen at Newcomb’s party. Oh dear. Got her recipe for salad dressing. Mary + Winnie back about 6 o’clock. Henry Jones called + can’t make it tomorrow as he’s got a horseback riding appt. and a dentist appt. and then a sulky-driving lesson! For a “Guns of Will Sonnett.” Dr. Ware called + Winnie + I went to see him. I took him “Powers of Attorney” and the “Edith Wharton Reader.” We worked on a puzzle there + had a pleasant visit. Then to Diamond Jim’s. Had a steak dinner. Came home + watched “Mission Impossible.” Bed fairly soon after.
Up early. Picked up Bess + took her to work. Went to unemployment + then to The Big Party. Bought plates + napkins + cups + some pretty paper trees for the table tonight. Also some flower garlands for Hilary. Had a massage + steam + then went shopping. Bought Bitke + salad fixings + ice cream + cake + french bread + some perfume for the six girls. Came home and made the bitke + got everything ready. Mary Parker helped me set up the table + clean up a bit. Raining. The children with Sue driving were late. Loren the original cause of their lateness arrived before Sue who was driving + got lost a friend brought her. Mary + Les came right after. The dinner was a great success but I felt a terrible strain as though everyone were trying not to let it be at all emotional. Loren + Lisa were outside of that aspect of course + I think had an uncomplicatedly nice time. But I was in tears when they’d left. Stood on the porch to wave them off + heard Patsy say to Mary, “we’ll write” and it seemed too awful to bear. Peter home a half hour later, had eaten + went straight to bed after calling his broker Jerry Dale. Jerry Dale had called earlier + when he asked for Peter Hobbes + I said he wasn’t in he said “Is he staying out tonight or do you expect him in?” which seemed very strange. Paul in a foul mood because of two bad appointments + Mary + he were addressing cards for her show’s opening Sunday night. Peggy Pope called I’m going to see her play Saturday afternoon – invited her to dinner afterward
Busy day – Had meant to sit down + work on interview but somehow managed to avoid it. Instead I washed the dining room curtains, ironed and rehung them. Took Peter’s no press shirts to the laundromat. Took cleaning and laundry. Washed the dining room windows on the inside and hand washed my black and white mod dress. Went out with Mary Parker to look for a frame for Mother[crossed out word]’s picture for Daddy. The first place we [crossed out letter] went – Granny’s attic had just the thing for $5.00. I also found “He” – the companion piece to “She” which we have in the hallway. Bought both. Next stop Akron. We both bought some colored stockings and found those jet frosters again. Bought 2 for xmas presents. Then the Safeway for dinner food. Next an art shop for Mary where she also picked up some mat board – evidently cutting an oval is no easy job. Came home + I fixed Shepherd’s pie for dinner. Also carrots, salad + rolls. James Enelow came over at 4 with my birthday present – “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” – the newest Beatles record. He also showed me an acct. of his camping trip with David that he wanted to send to Mother + Daddy for Cotton’s book. It was interesting but some of his least attractive sides showed through + I think the poem would be a far better choice. However – he left at almost 6 + I began to get a bit frantic. Peter home + worked on a new tape at 6:30. Mary + Susan came over at 7:30. Stayed til eleven. Susan seems a lot more open but there are such bitter rather ugly little residues – God I hope Mary gets custody of the younger children while they’re still salvageable. Peter + I drank beer after they left – stayed up late but didn’t fight.
Margie off to paint a little after 10 o’clock. I washed + set my hair. Evelyn Lindsay called + we had a very nice chat. It was very sweet of her to call. Margie reworked her painting of yesterday + made another one + 2 small ones. We left the house around 2:30. Went to a record shop on La Cunega + Wilshire to get a new “revolver” for Margie. The other had 2 skips + we got a refund but they couldn’t exchange it. Then we played miniature gold + took pictures. I was in a fairly poor humor. The heat is ghastly + the humidity high. We took Margie home + saw Allen + met Sheila who seems very nice. Margie went straight to work sketching which is what Mary Parker suggest that she do. Saw Susan + was shown her new clothes, room, bathroom, hair dryer, etc. The twins glad to see us + Patsy delighted over her scrapbook. It was all a little depressing thought really-Poor Mary will have so much to compete with when she tries to get the little ones back. We next went out to Jo Davises-a great gang there + not the gayest in the world. The men all quite pot bellied + gone to seed-A couple of very nice women and of course it’s always fun to see Jo + Edith + Cindy. For me the nicest part was playing ping pong. I didn’t drink-am tired of waking up sick + have been getting heavy anyway. Stuck to Fresca all night. We came home laden down with chile + macaroni salad from Jo-we got home about one + Mary + Saul arrived in from Las Vegas minutes afterward. I just couldn’t stay awake + went off to bed.
I slept until almost 11 o’clock- Peter about [crossed out writing] an hour or two longer- Dr. Ware called to check on our tickets for tomorrow night + dinner Weds. Mail brought notes from Mrs. Sullivan + Chris Ryan and a dear-if belated-birthday card to Peter from Jenny. I worked on the Enelow childrens’ savings acct. books + Mailed them all with deposit receipts plus interest statements plus Mother’s combined birthday + Christmas checks for the three littles. Wrote covering letter to very nice Mr. Griffith requesting that they be returned to me personally as Mary’s [__] in a change of address and I think she shouldn’t have those books lying around yet. I’m bothered by the fact she’s letting James think he still has that $784 (or there abouts) in his account that she took from David’s. She told David she put it back + he was pleased but it seems to me she must tell James that he doesn’t have it. I also went over Mary’s insurance papers + sent in the amount I think is still owing. I called the Davies office before I did so + they didn’t have all the papers available so I just mailed the check. Peter was very contrite + drove me out to Mandeville. Milli + Elizabeth were both there + Sue. The twins + Margie came later. I gave all the children (I left James + David’s on their desks) the postcard I didn’t send from New York and a five dollar bill each from Colby. Sue’s making us a vase + Margie gave us some matchboxes + Patsy gave me a necklace + Peter a pad of funny paper + Abby some bangles + matches for Peter. Nice but brief visit. I gather the new housekeeper doesn’t do much either from Millie + Elizabeth although at least she’s pleasant. We went to the Westwood stamp store and got the 1965 UN issue then to the Huntington Hartford + got tickets for “the odd couple”- Next stop Wallach’s for a cartridge for the record player Peter’s been slaving on for Mary. Stopped at Akron, Safeway + Super S where we got [crossed out writing] 7 Bingo Bonus coupons + rushed home to see if we’d won again. We hadn’t. Had dinner + then went back out to Thrifty Drug to get a hair dryer and then back to Safeway to get more coupons. Still no more luck- Home + quiet eve + to bed-I weighed for the first time + weigh 130 lbs- Thank God-I didn’t weigh before! Won’t again until next Monday-
Somehow by the Grace of God we made it-woke up 2 1/2 hours late to put the turkey in but Peter wrapped it in foil which cut 3 hrs off the roasting time. Called Mandeville to say we were a little behind + not to come until 3 or a bit after. Called Hilary + Jim-they’d loved the Christmas cards-nice chat. Called Mother + Daddy who sent their love to Mary + Margaret. I promised to write this week. Spoke with Mary who told me she’s going to see Allen tomorrow about visiting the children. I said I thought it might be a bit of a mistake but she wouldn’t hear of it + I told her it was none of my business anyway. Said I’d call her later. We got the table set up and when the Enelows arrived we all went to work with the strings. Great success. Everyone happy with their gifts. I got Spaniard in the Works by John Lennon. Brandy for Allen and shaving lotion for David flashlight for Jim. Somehow got all the food on the table + everyone had plenty. Sue an enormous help. Cleared the table and later after the pinata swept + vacuumed. So grateful All Margie’s gifts a success. David recited poetry-really remarkable how much he knows and all of it good. Sue put on a show + Allen talked throughout which led to tears-my sympathies with Sue. Gave them the turkey, a pie, the remaining brandy that Allen had brought plus the new bottle + Leon’s bread to take home. David took the twins home + then Allen Jim + Sue went to the theatre together. I called Mary + let Margie speak to her. She said all the right things + I had tears in my eyes when she’d finished. We-Peter, Margie + I went to a drive-in + saw Mad Mad Mad Mad World again and How to Murder Your Wife. Stayed til the place closed at two am. Came home + put Margie to bed with my nightgown the kitchen pretty much cleaned up + the ice box filled with food.