Peter up at the crack of dawn and Jim Parker here shortly after to work on the car. I got up about 10 – they were having pancakes and the kitchen floor was all greasy and my reception or greeting was about as cold as I’m capable of. I’m getting worse + worse, I know it and don’t seem able to stop myself. Called mother + had a nice chat. They had a good time in New York, had seen “The Odd Couple” loved it although Russel’s car was towed away to round off their evening. Mother said she was leaving us Alaria. Peter talked with her briefly but when I told him about Alaria it was just hmm + nothing more. Oh God – if we could just talk together about anything. I made 5 pies. Gave Jim two. Lay in the sun for a while. Dianne out there too. Came back in the house + lay around like a fool and cried for a while. Tried to reach Mather but I guess they all went out for the day. Paul came down to clean the house for the party and I asked him to come back in an hour. Then decided to clean by myself and work off some of my frustrations. Peter went out + came back about 6 – He + Jim got the new motor in the car which is a big accomplishment. Mary Parker helped me [crossed out word] pin up the hem on my print shirt waist and I ironed it and then sewed on it through the evening which turned out to be very successful despite all my misgivings + own personal fits + moods . Joe Hanwright was feeling sick which helped soften his abrasive quality. He brought a lovely girl with him. Maria someone. Gary + Nancy Young brought 2 month old baby + Jack + Valery Sterrit brought their little girl Jennifer. Timmy, Mary Enelow + Dianne, Paul, Mary P. + Peter + I completed the party. Joe showed two films, we saw one of Gary’s – all 3 in color + quite beautiful, played Peter’s commercial tape and my old Day in Court. Interspersed with Peter’s audition tape. Paul told me afterward that my attitude this afternoon almost made him call up everyone + call everything off.
Dreary day – hungover + unhappy but that’s nothing new. Lucy Bader called + invited Peter + me to dinner on the 27th of May. I accepted tentatively. Went to Pat Walkers at two. Took a book this time and it makes the last part of the hour go a hell of a lot faster. I won’t have to pay for the 2 hours I missed so that was a pleasant surprise. Came back via the Safeway and bought ingredients for pies for tomorrow night. Didn’t feel up to buying dinner. Came home – messages from Bill Downey who’s here briefly before driving off to New York on Monday. How I envy him. Took a nap. Peter home + then off again. I ate yogurt + metrecal + let Peter get his own dinner. Bill Downey came over around 10 o’clock + stayed for a couple of hours. Peter went to bed at midnight + I joined Mary + Bill upstairs briefly.
Annie Sullivan’s and Mary Parker’s Birthday. Timmy called + invited us to dinner and I accepted for Peter, Mary + me. Paul has to work tonight. I typed copies today of the stuff for the booklet. I called Colby and she’d come up with a few good ones. As I was typing all the “gleanings” – I thought of two more myself – Mather “but he says he’s a lion” and “Patience Mather? It should be Patience Susan!” I put a rather fey ending to the whole thing with Mamsie Pepper + Dr. Fisher + Miss Everett, Elsie + Jack + Susie. Mary Parker back about 4:15 + we went straight to the printers. George – Rice + Sons. Obviously the perfect place and it’s going to be less expensive than I’d thought. Peter took $250.00 out of our savings today for his new motor and gave me $100 for the printer. He didn’t want a down payment so I gave Mary Parker $40.00 with 60 to go. He (printer) told me I could get the photostats of the originals from the Library and then told me to take the rest of the material to a Vari-typist + when it had been all put together to bring it back. Too late by then to get the typist until Monday. But I went to the library + ordered the photostats. They won’t be ready til Wednesday, the only thing I wish is that it was all out of my hands. No time to get Mary Parker a gift. We went to Timmy’s via Ralph’s and I got a card + a cake and a bottle of something called “Pretty Feet”. Nice time at Timmy’s – then home + beer – tried to call Annie + I couldn’t get her until about 2:00 our time by which we were pretty sloshed. Peter played her the tape and I read her some of the wedding booklet + we were on the phone an hour. Peter went to see Dr. Brooks again today. Said he’s “making tracks” – all I know is they’re not in my direction at all.
Got up around 1:15 + called Miss Gray at Contour to say I’d be late. She is a dear. I cashed a check at the bank en route there and afterwards went to the Safeway + shopped. Left off the groceries and called Colby to ask if she could think of any good family sayings – she came up with one or 2 and said she’d have to think about it. Told her I’d call her in the morning. Went to the library. This a trifle discouraging this time. Couldn’t find any astrology magazines of the date. Looked up wine books but 1917 was only a good year for Claret and not too good at that. Did get a funny question of the month from the Farmers’ Almanac 1917 June but all in all slim pickings. Home + dinner + Mary came over. Had asked her to pick up a Taurus and a Virgo Horoscope. (Dell pocket edition 25¢) She brought over a lovely potted plant for “Sister’s Day” – how nice. However, she wasn’t wildly helpful as she got all involved looking at the family album. Peter later sat down + helped me put the booklet together and came up with some lovely bits.
Managed to write long letter to Newcomb explaining what I’d done about James etc. Read it to Mary before I mailed it and suggested he keep it confidential. Phone rang early in the day + it was Eddie Royce to say that Amelia + a friend were out here in H ‘wood + he was afraid that they wouldn’t call us so could we please call them. Did forthwith and invited them to dinner. They were going out to Ventura so said they’d call when they got back but yes they would come. Peter offered to make his Shish Kebab. They didn’t call til eight and then didn’t get her til 10 o’clock. Peter furious + understandably so. I was pretty peeved myself. He’d put the Shish Kebab on + kept muttering – “they’re going to eat shit – shit!” Then he said he was going to ask them to leave when they got here but of course he didn’t and we ended up having a surprisingly pleasant dinner. Amelia’s friend, Diane somebody, was very nice. They left however around midnight. Peter + I had another drunk evening.
Up fairly early – called The Public Library + found they have the N.Y. Times on microfilm. Also the 1917 Farmer’s almanac etc. etc. I finished the letter to Mother. Sent “approval” to Lester Kurth with covering letter. Took the dining room couch cover to the laundromat and vacuumed that room. Everything’s getting a little too messy for comfort. Went to Pat Walkers – I got a couple of good ideas for the souvenir program – family quotes “- I’m glad if she’s glad” – etc. Cashed a check at the Safeway and went to the Public Library. Was there about an hour and a half. Found small mention in N.Y. Times and quite a lot in the bound volumes of the N.Y. American under “Happenings in Society”. Copied them down along with a couple of odd items like “Washington Cheers Russian Mission” and a crazy ad from Franklin Simon” Hand-tailored Khaki Uniforms, $16.00″, or, taking Fifth Avenue to Flanders. Quite sad + ghastly really. Had a sweet card from Luise today. Must write. I really manage to get so little done these days. We went to Timmy’s for dinner. Watched an NBC documentary on The Pursuit of Pleasure – pretty dreary. Timothy Leary strikes me as a big fraud. Ivy league LSD. Peter got angry for my saying so, when I did – oh well.
Oh my – eventful day in an odd way. Morning brought a special delivery from Bill Wellborne. Almost unintelligible. He’s obviously boozing + mentioned a fight on pier 23 in Bklyn. I worked on a letter to Mother. James called twice to see if Mary had talked to Newcomb yet about borrowing money for him to go to Wesleyan. Peter at club. Mary up at 12:30 – her watch had stopped. Called Newcomb who said he’d call her back this evening. Mary + I played a little cards and then at two she left. Peter decided to take me to the Smith afternoon of “Rakish Regency” at Don Loper’s – which after he’d said no was a really nice surprise. Surprisingly large group. The house very chi-chi and cluttered with priceless triviata. A little oppressive. Saw Sophia Telfer who looks well, Lisa Powell Dempsey and Lucy Davis Bader. Chamber music by the UCLA Madrigal Singers on the tennis court. Nobody listened but us. Several people recognized Peter. Left at 5 on the dot. Home, Safeway, fixed dinner. Mary called us in tears. Newcomb had called Mother + Daddy who had said they wouldn’t give James the money. I don’t blame them in the slightest but I do blame Newcomb for calling them. If Mary had wanted anything [crossed out word] more from them she would have written them. Oh dear. Anyway I told her that we’d give her the money and just to relax about it, have a drink + pull herself together before calling James. Then the phone ran and it was Druscilla to say she was going to get married to Dick in August. If that’s what she wants I hope it happens but she’s said before that they’d get married in June. I wonder. Peter trying to get the steak done + I in a tizzy over dinner. Phone rang and it was Newcomb. I said I thought he oughtn’t to have called Mother + Daddy but not to worry about it. There wasn’t time to tell him we were going to give her the money so I just said I’d write him. The phone rang again. This time it was Chuck Neighbors from New York. I’d called him earlier this am + he returned it at his on expense. Liked the book + is my agent on it. Said Bill has been drunk got in a fight + has a court case coming up in June but he (Chuck) still is working for him on his book. What an eve – we bolted our food + went to the theatre – First play “White Butterfly” my cup of tea but poorly done. Second “Hope is a Thing with Feathers” excellent-
Up about 10 – Diary I sewed two blue bandanas for [crossed out letters] Jan + mailed them with a thank you note to him + Mel + a check for $5.00 for the sewing machine. Wrote thank you note to Joyce Ryan and answered a note from Ema which came today. Also Finally fixed Timmy’s shirt. Mary + I had planned to go see a “Man For All Seasons” but decided instead to see “Blowup”. Mary told me Eleanor Luster had called + wanted to play bridge but couldn’t get a fourth. I said something very tentative + Mary called Eleanor + called me back + said I was on. I left a note for Peter + some frozen beef pies in the refrigerator. He’d said he was going to be busy working on his tapes this evening so I decided to take him at his word although it felt odd and not too happy. Mary came + got me + we went to Blowup. What an extraordinary film. Almost more than the senses can absorb at one moment. Beautiful. I called Peter after + couldn’t tell if he minded or not. We had a roast beef sandwich at “The Original Roast Beef Sandwich” and then drove out to Brentwood. We were a little early. Eleanor Luster has a nice apt + plays a very crisp decisive game – a little scary. A friend of hers, Evelyn – was there with a broken shoulder + I felt that I could play as well as she did as long as she was being distracted with pain. We played nine rubbers – until 12 o’clock. I lost $1.80 but at the worst was much further down than that. I got some lovely hands at the end. Came home – Peter had gone out to Sunset Strip – Whiskey a go go – didn’t come home til after two. We all had a drink + finally went to bed. When I think of how I’ve begged to go out in the last 5 or 6 months – it bugged me that Peter would go to the strip by himself.
Woke late + with splitting hangover – Peter gone by the time I got up. Called Pat Walker’s + postponed my appt. to 3. Washed hair + bathed + shaved legs etc. Lay on the [crossed out word] exercise machine at Walker’s with the tears rolling down the sides of my face + splashing on to the tissue paper. My life seems so utterly pointless these days. I’m in such turmoil. Our marriage seems more like two people who get on reasonably well living in the same building. Good morning. Nice Day. How are you etc – Came home. Peter home early. I lay down + slept for a while. Peter cut up lamb for me and I went to the store. Mary Parker down around 9 for a drink I fixed the curry, broccoli, salad – good dinner. Peter did the dishes. Chris came by to play with Humbug – followed shortly by Larry who stayed for only a short time. Bed fairly early except that I read and then later couldn’t get to sleep. Questions without answers spinning endlessly around.
Up earlyish. Went to Pat Walkers then to the Safeway – cashed a check + shopped. Went to Countour. My weight now seems to be around 115-117 which is nice. Came home + fixed a lamb cassoulet. I called Doug + Sheldon Andelson. Discovered my case has been finished and I should get word any day from Sacramento that my license has been suspended. Oh Lord. Also called Newman Brothers about my bail bond. I’ve got $295.00 coming back to me. I got back another Smith letter which made 2 out of 12. I cut + pinned two bandanas for Jan Forman + futzed about with the machine. Finished the 4th strip on Jennie’s blanket. Two more to go plus the center strip. The cassoulet was a great success except Peter wasn’t too hungry. We had wine with dinner – Paul joined us + I got more wine. Thence to beer. One of those evenings. I invited Mary Parker to dinner tomorrow night for curry.
Up around 9:30 -Futzed about. Put water in flowers, make bed etc. Finished 3rd strip of afghan for Jenny and started the 4th. Pored over cookbook + decided on a roast lamb and zucchini casserole. Went to Pat Walkers. Am definitely getting “toned up”. Went to Safeway + did shopping – had to buy a flame proof baking dish. Bought cards for Doug (get well) + Mrs. Sullivan (Belated B’day). Dear letter from mother must get my letter off – it’s been 2 weeks! Lester Kurth called + we had long very nice talk. No trouble about the $3,000. They’ve just bought some Baker Industries for my acct. + Lester suggested I raise some silly objections just for the hell of it. Funny idea. Joyce Ryan called + wants us to come to dinner this weekend. Told her I’d have to ask Peter but prepared her for a no. Peter went to see Phyllis Overton and it was a long visit and a little grueling but he was glad he’d gone. He also went to see Persky + Denhoff + left them a tape. The lamb + the casserole were a great success only we both ate too much and went to bed early + stuffed. Peter went to see Doug in the hospital today which touched Doug immensely.
Up fairly early. Washed hair. Finished another (2nd) strip of the baby blanket – Peter called Doug + found out he’s in the hospital with a clot in his leg – St. John’s. I wrote my last Smith note. Went to Pat Walker’s at 12, then to Thousand Fabrics where I got some long cottons for Jan Forman’s bandanas and then to Contour. I weighed after my steam + massage, 113 lbs!!! But I’m fairly sure that won’t last. The important thing is that I am getting into better shape. I told Mrs. Gray I’d give her a ride home at 4:30. Came home + wrote Lucy Bader a note and Bill Welborne with a check for $50.00 (unsolicited). Went back to New Hampshire + Wilshire + took Mrs. Gray (?) home. Such a dear lady. Then stopped in at the brand new alpha beta and got all sorts of free goodies + bought some flowers – calendulas + daisies + they look lovely. Mary went to work modeling tonight. Peter went on an appt. and then picked up the 20 tapes he’d had made. They turned out poorly because of the type of tape (acetate instead of milar) and the guy that ran the place had “crisped them up” electronically. Poor Peter furious + upset and of course the guy is an impoverished old man so Peter didn’t feel he could ask for his money back. Hell: they always are too! We went to Timmy’s for a dinner of Chile. Took him bourbon + vodka. Ridiculous interlude at the end when the abortion bill was discussed on late news. Timmy said “Well if they allow abortion they’ll have to allow euthanasia” + I got furious. Stupid I guess. Came home – Mary + Paul joined us for a beer. Listened to Claudes tape. Went to bed.
Pleasant day – up about 10 – made my next to last Smith call – successful. Wrote Lester asking for $3,000 for Mary’s + my share of the golden wedding plus our transportation. Went to unemployment + filed my claim – can’t collect until May 23rd as the claim starts May 7th. Went to Pat Walker’s – am beginning to feel a bit toned up. Am taking 5 appts this week plus the 2 steam + massage treatments. Paid the rest of my down payment. Went to the May Co. + got more blue wool + turned back the white. I have a new idea + more practical for the baby blankets. Came back via Ralph’s + bought fresh salmon at 89¢ a lb. Home + fixed curried salmon, beans + carrots plus salad. Very good dinner with one mild drink before. Again – Whee! Cleaned up + we went to the movies to see “Alfie” + “The Knack” – enjoyed them both although I agree with Peter that just possibly the gimmick in Alfie got a little over worked. Still – as in The Dr’s. office – at times it was done to great advantage. Home + went to bed. I sent $50.00 to my California acct. Peter went to the club, got a person to reproduce his tapes. Called Paul Morrison about Alvin Sapinsley’s idea of renaming the theatre at Bard for Frank + all in all got alot done.
Another day largely devoted to the blanket which is however now finished. Glory be. Went around it twice in blue and once in black and I think it’s the prettiest or handsomest thing I ever made. The mail brought a marvelous tape from Claude Kezer. Only thing that was too bad was the poor quality of the recording. Dear Claude – what a wonderful person he is. I had a couple of ideas – maybe one of the songs could be used at the theatre group Center Theatre as a kind of intro for the scheduled Genovese play and one song seems like a real hit. “I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.” Peter mailed off a tape to Maxine Marx in N.Y. and wrote a letter to Doris Gravert. We went to the Akron and then shopping at the Safeway. Larry Bray had stopped by earlier with Chris. Jan Forman invited Peter + me to dinner but we pleaded another engagement because we felt like a quiet evening. What a laugh that turned out to be. I made shepherd’s pie and swiss chard and mushrooms for dinner. Drinks before and then more after. I switched to beer but soon by sheer volume consumed I too was drunk. Kept trying not to fight and for a long long time managed very well. But inevitably we got involved in the same old crap. Way back in New York four years ago Peter said to me “I can’t stand the pace.” I told him then that he set the pace. And he still does only now I can’t stand it – constitutionally, emotionally, intellectually.
Sewed the last strip together + crocheted it on to the blanket. Called Doug + got an appt for Paul next Weds. at 12:45 – Also asked Doug about my diminished periods – nothing to worry about it seems. Thank God. Called George Spicer + got an appt for Mary at 2:30 this afternoon. Then I called mother and that made my day. She sounded so dear + happy. I told her that Diane had said about her in regard to the dress we sent her: “Your mother’s so groovey. She’ll just love it.” And that tickled mother no end. She kept repeating “groovey” and giggling a little. I went to Pat Walkers at two + had very erotic fancies. Oh dear. Something’s got to give sooner or later and it had probably better be sooner. Went to the May Co. + got black nylon wool to edge the blanket and some very pretty wool for the babies blankets. It started to rain. Mary Parker invited me to dinner at my impassioned plea – so much to get done. Changed the sheets and took laundry + picked it up. Tried to call Mary but no answer. Paul put out the garbage – God bless him. I worked on the blanket. Nice dinner and then Mary + Paul helped me clean the house. I washed the kitchen floor and Paul vacuumed the whole place. Mary Parker + I put the hooked flower rug back down. Hummy’s inroads not as visible as they might be. Mary + Paul went up and I worked on the blanket. Took a bath had edged it twice in black + started on the blue when Peter arrived at 3:30. Had been drinking in N.Y. at the memorial gathering for Frank + more on the plane. Had three more before we went to bed at 4:30. I had 3 beers alot of talk about the tape. Was glad the house was clean as evidently Hicks street was most appalling mess. He couldn’t find his mother’s ashes. I spoke to Timmy today and he invited us to dinner on Sunday – all is well.