Up at 6 – Really difficult. My fault in a sense about drinking + staying up last night but I was having a very good time. As Dick is drunk most weekends all weekend I don’t really see that there’s anything too bad about my wanting to stay up + go on for once. And I wasn’t drunk either. Evidently the fact that I called Dick “Peter” really rankled. It was right after Marsha had been talking about an ex-husband and bills + credit cards + charge accts at Montgomery Wards. Needless to say that brought back all those months + months of trying to work out Peter’s finances + Parker’s extraordinary lack of money sense. Anyway I’d said that to him last night. He left the house this morning after a ridiculous scene about the newspaper which hadn’t come. I called Mrs. Jaeger to complain + said we were thinking of canceling I cleaned up the kitchen + did the bed etc. Then I called Rich Ware + had a really nice talk with him – He hadn’t gotten my letter written on June 10th. He’s going back to visit Daddy on [crossed out letters] October 3rd + will stay 2 or 3 weeks. He’s moving to a large luxury apartment building downtown in L.A. and it’s extremely unsettling (as well I know with 3 moves in the last year) I called Gloria Marshall + cancelled out for today. Too much to do + I was supposed to meet Joyce at 11. Called her + we changed it to 10. We went to the Nevada club + played Keno. I won about $18.00 (12-5-1) but Joyce kept losing. We went over to the mint + played + I began to lose. Joyce over to the slot machines. I was finally down about $50. Went to a 21 table + came back about $20. The outing which was too long but fun in a way cost me about $35. Went shopping + didn’t get back until 5:00. Report from Chem. bank + my acct has dropped $122,000 since the last quarter. A little depressing. Dick home after me. Not talking. I fixed stuffed peppers + we watched TV. After 3 or 4 hours of not answering he asked me if I was still hung up on Peter. I repeated the above which I’d said last night. He told me he’d had it with Mary + then said Hilary had put him down too. He went on about families with money + privileges + said that Marsha + I had behaved like “a couple of actresses” + he didn’t know which was the better actress. Well he finally got me in tears if that’s what he wanted. He slept in the chair
Alot of telephoning. Talked with Mary, Leon, Timmy and Val. Called Gas Co. about range + the oven. Man came + fixed one burner + told me he thought it was the shut off valve in the oven that was faulty. “Call Tappan Range Co.” I did. “Call Montgomery Ward.” I did. They’d send a man out Thursday. Paul came to pick up the bed + gave me $30. Paul a bit of a pain in the Ass with how exhausted he is + how confusing it is to move. Who does he think he’s telling?! I packed all the paperbacks which makes a good beginning and a nice dent in that room. Dick called early today and then called late when I got home from dinner at Timmy’s. I listened to some more of Timmy’s tapes + do think he’s doing a nice job. According to Timmy Peter hasn’t been too well. I’m sorry but really don’t feel its my affair. Carolyn Brown came over today + when she saw the wedding pictures I didn’t tear up (nice ones of family on the other side) she was all excited to see I’d been married to “Peter Ames” + called her Mother. I would have gotten rid of those pictures long ago if it hadn’t been that they were of a beautiful + happy day when Mother was alive. [crossed out letters]
Got up before Dick, fixed the coffee + brought it with the paper. He told me he’d liked that + I might as well make a try. Easy when I’m dieting as hunger plus no hangover is it’s own alarm clock. He left around 7 or so. I worked on the second dice pattern. Tedious work but got it done finally. I called Dick Rund who’s on vacation. Called Peter – nice sounding woman answered – said she’d have him call me. He did. I told him I’d get Dick Rund to reimburse him the full amt of his refund + meanwhile to go ahead + send Dick R. his ’68 returns, and all his receipts etc. He hasn’t worked since October. That squib about a film that Amelia saw had nothing to do with anything. I’d put in a call to Lester who called back + explained the situation to him. My real concern is for the future as Nevada is one of 8 maverick states with its own rules for Federal Income Tax. Makes no sense at all to me. I made an apple pie and fixed some fresh fruit Jello. Dick home in between + off again. Brownie called about some property + I told him Dick wasn’t financially mobile until he got the house sold. And it has a long way to go. Dick home at 2 – had lunch + we went to pick up Humbug and Barkis. Neat as whistles, washed + vacuumed (!!) + brushed. Glad to be home. We took a nap + then went way out Tonapah to look at another job. Groceries on the way back. Bought a 35¢ bottle of “swizzle” – Italian Swiss Colony’s answer to Gallo’s ripple. Card from Mary Jean today Flamingo Pools wants Dick + George to handle all their work NO help available. I suggested he offer someone full time wages for a while. He told me that had been “discussed a 100 times.” Then, tho, he called up Tony Carillo + offered him $7.00 an hour plus lunch hour for 3 months. We had dinner + then Dick went + fixed himself a drink – said he’d had one (the g.d. swizzle) + wanted another. Had four while we watched TV. I felt very badly about it – not that he was in the least drunk – but it had been his own idea to “go on the wagon” + he’d made such a production about it. Bed at 11.
Another beautiful day – we slept til 8 or so. Had coffee. Dick off again after the elusive Hudgins and I wrote a long letter to Daddy, thanking him for the birthday check + asking him about Alaria + telling him about Bullhead City etc. Then I wrote Cassie who’d written a cute note saying they’d seen me on TV (alas.) She also told me that George’s engagement to Pat was broken + although I guess nobody liked her much, I felt sorry for George. When Dick came back (checkless – Hudgins had gone fishing) he brought 2 new lures with big hooks and we went out again to try for some bass. Our invisible + mighty opponents of last night bit again + we came up with alot of seaweed. Lost another lure. Left about 12:30. Went to the Enco station for a new tire + to the drugstore for post cards. Had lunch (roast beef + cottage cheese) at “Bob’s kitchen” and I wrote cards to Mary + Lyle. We went to Hudgins’ house where nice wife said she’d go look for him. Said we’d meet him at Brandy’s. Sat outside in the heat for almost an hour + then went in + had 2 tall ice waters with Vic. She came back + couldn’t find him – had left a note on his truck. Wasn’t too happy. A hot drive back I took the wheel from Searchlight to Railroad Pass. Dusty. Stopped in Henderson for some groceries. Then to Jack + Joyce They gave me a beautiful bag. A girl where Joyce works makes them. I had my sock to occupy me through the drinking. Home about 7:30. Norman Poser + Mary had both called to say Happy Birthday. Letter from Peter about our income tax, according to some strange California law, we had to file jointly. He sent pamphlet from the IRS. Poor thing was supposed to get a refund for [crossed out letter] $2219! I’ll call Dick Rund tomorrow. Big dent in rear fender. Presumably Henderson. Dick had dunning letter form Bank americard + bill simultaneously! He was furious. telegram from Leon + card from Rae O’Dell. Dick went out + bought me another weight watcher’s meal. He made himself stuffed peppers. He’d been telling me all weekend he had a plan starting Monday that he thought I’d like + today when I asked him he said he was going to go on the wagon for awhile. He’s getting a gut + it’s a good idea.
Overslept. Missed the 9:30 flight. Got another for 12:30. Dick got some coffee. We made love. Finally got dressed + went to the airport. Dick sorry to see me go. I’ll be back Friday though. Wonder if we could have a happy life together. Our backgrounds and interests are so different and yet I honestly feel that Dick loves me – not an idea of me. It’s a revelation of sorts. Back in L.A. at 1:30. Had some lunch at the airport + took a cab in. Messages from Bill Wellbourne, Henry Jones. Leon + Lyle. Called Lyle + he + Bill Brown are going to take me to dinner on Weds. Spoke with Leon. Made lunch date with Rae O’Dell. Left message for Henry Jones. Scotty had called too but I figured he’d be at work. I took a long nap. Got dressed + went to Leons. Had tried to call Dick first – dialed direct. He wasn’t in. Had good time with Leon. Stuffed cabbage + alot to take home. Picked up some beer on the way back. I called Dick + got him. It wasn’t ten o’clock yet but I woke him which was too bad but he sounded pleased. Then I had a couple of beers with Jim. My cold is pretty bad. Bed around midnight. Talked with Leon about Peter. He had a few interesting additions.
Millie here at 9 – I was in pretty poor shape. No idea of where to start anything. Millie just began with the books – dusting them + putting them in boxes. I napped some in the morning. Went out at 12:30 to see Bob Iverson. Had lunch at the drugstore – Told Bob all about last week + finding the wallet. And told him about Peter saying “oh?” He found that appalling. Asked me if I hadn’t felt angry + I said first I was too stunned and then later I had been angry. But it also snapped every last little thread of feeling I had. Bob went quite deeply into my inability to display anger – that it seemed a real taboo. My present paralysis seems to be a result of anger repressed. I can see that. talked about violence. And my unknown assailant. I said that got complicated by his being Negro + then said “Why couldn’t it have been a nice Jewish boy?” Which Bob thought very funny. I brought out my two watercolors by Carl Cochran as a present for his office and he like them. Went home + called Mr. Bozem about his refrigerator, washer + dryer. He recommended my buying new ones and gave me the name of his wholesaler. I took Millie home Came back + lay down for a bit. Felt very fluey besides having the remnants of a hangover. Was supposed to have dinner at Bill’s but called him + said I was sick. Leon called + told me he was going to get the refrigerator + washer + dryer for me + I told him I didn’t want him to + was going to buy new ones. I got very upset finally + know I hurt his feelings. Felt badly + almost called back but didn’t. Dick called + [crossed out letter] wanted to come down tonight but I said no that Millie was going to be here etc. etc. He’d called earlier to give me his new address + phone number. My car dented in the parking lot
Lord. what a day – Came in from Mary’s + called the bank. The money arrived but won’t be “posted” til tomorrow. Peter called after 5 days of messages. Said he’d been on location for a lassie show. I told him I was moving + did he want the house back. He said NO. Told him somebody had broken in + beaten me up + robbed me. He said Oh. Polite disinterested “Oh.” Incredible to me. Asked him if he wanted anything from the house. And told him I needed him to sign a quit claim. He said certainly. Hung up + thought how the conversation would have killed me 6 months ago. Just don’t care anymore. Poor sick bastard. Went to get some jewelry + noticed a strange wallet on top of some books. Thought it might be be Millie’s or Mary’s. Opened it + saw strange pictures. Panicked. Went through the cards + found it belonged to Betty Gzell!! Absolute wave of hysteria. Wanted to throw it out but called the police before I could do anything foolish. Left message said I’d be back at 4. Cried. Called Paul + told him I’d meet him + Leon at Frascati”s. Bathed, washed hair + did so. [crossed out word] Annie called. Told her. Took tranquillizer before leaving. Pleasant lunch but I was in no mood. Went to H’wood properties + signed Escrow papers. Came home. Called Sgt Scholler + officer Ingraham. They came right over. Were glad to get the wallet. All it proves of course is that it was the same man. I cried + said I wished I’d never found it – that I just wanted the whole thing to be over with – They said as far as I was concerned it probably was as I obviously couldn’t identify the man. Jim Parker came over around 6 I was irritated with him as he’d been coming earlier. I’m very disorganized + confused about the whole house set up. Went to Henry’s for dinner. Told him about Peter + he said sympathetically – “The poor guy is hurting.” I said what the hell for? He got what he wanted. I didn’t want the divorce then he said he didn’t want to discuss it. Well there didn’t seem to be much of anything that could be discussed. Quite dreary evening. I left and went to Mary’s for the night. Had left the dogs in the house.
Pain in rib really bad. Probably because the face was less so. Called Doug. More darvon. Henry drove me back in. We stopped for 15 minutes at St. John’s to see Mona. Henry met Brenda + Michael + then left. I napped. Called Peter again + left a message. Paul over around two. Lit the gas in the apartment ice box. We chatted. He left + I napped. Annie called. [crossed out letters] said I’d try to get up there next weekend. Talked with Rae O’dell + Doug Menville. Went to Timmy’s for dinner and had a nice time. Dogs with me. Then drove out to Mary’s. Got there about 10:30. Les [crossed out letters] there. Read some Erle Stanley Gardner + went to bed. Dogs with me on narrow bed.
Woke about 8. Slept a little more. Ordered orange juice and strawberries + coffee. Gray rainy day. Went home. Had left key for Millie. Millie was carrying a knife. Somebody had called + when she answered they breathed heavily but didn’t say anything. Lee Garmes appeared with his friends. Michael Leighton + Brenda McBride around one o’clock. Michael Leighton decidedly strange. Knew what had happened + my face still pretty gruesome. Said “What a marvelous house. I don’t see why you want to leave it” I said “well – ” and he said Yes but it’s such a wonderful place you have here Is this the first time this has happened to you?” How many times does it take?!! And yet I felt a little apologetic + chicken. Showed Brenda the apartment. She gave me ten dollars for a week. I gave her some sheets. Liked her. Henry Jones over. Mary stopped by after teaching at Michel torena. We all had coffee. She drove Millie home. Henry drove me out to Malibu. His wrist out of the cast but in a sort of corset thing. We stopped for coffee + soup (I was starving) and the waitress gave us an odd look. His bandaged wrist + my battered face must have seemed to tell a story. We went to Doug + Joan’s for a drink. I do like them so very much. Home to Henry’s + had dinner + wine. Henry asleep early. I stayed up + called Mary Parker. We had called Jocelyn from my house earlier today about Drue’s apartment + called Drue too. Henry woke me about 3:30 am with a phone call from Bill Wellbourne. He’s back in N.Y. Oh dear.
I left a message for Peter today but he didn’t call back. I wanted to see if he wanted the house back.
My fever up and my throat hurt and I had a big hangover. Serves me right. Spoke with Timmy + Mary. Discovered my icebox was hot all the food in it had gone bad + steamy. Pretty scary. Spoke with Mary P. + we decided to call the fire department + ask if there was any danger. They put us on to the Cal. Gas. Co. emergency crew. I’d called Peter first but no answer + I have no friends who know anything about this sort of thing. (Spoke with Lyle who said he was a “motor misfit” + couldn’t even think of anyone who might know.) Jimmy Goodwin might but he’s not here. The guy who finally came said probably the unit was on the fritz but he regulated the timer + thermostat + said whatever happened there wasn’t any danger. Seemed a trifle cavalier to me but damned if the old thing didn’t start to work again. Bill called about 12:30 + we had a long long talk. He was very drunk + I couldn’t get much in the way of details out of him. I don’t know now whether he really has cancer or not. But he’s in bad shape + terrified too. He said he loved me + wanted me to take care of him. I told him we’d push each other over the brink. That I was an emotional basket case. But when he said if he had a hundred dollars a week for 90 days he could write another book in Venice Florida, I told him I’d send it to him. (I gave him my word which he asked for) that’s $400 a month for at least 3 months which will mean a little less spending on my part. He called me back again alot later + alot drunker. Incoherent but ready to leave N.Y. tomorrow. I spent the whole day lying down + reading + sleeping + drinking liquids. My temperature up until late in the evening.
Up at 5 am. Went over script. Washed hair, bathed + pottered a bit. Drove out to Studio City at 6:35. Took H’wood F’wy + kept on it – had to turn back but some how made it in time. Nice makeup men. Bob somone + Tom Case. Lilian – hairdresser. Mort Singer + Sid Sidman Asst. Directors. Met Charlie Robinson inthe morning. pleasant. My stuff went well. Fred de Cordova told me several times in front of everyone it was “fine” “perfect” – and once off the set told me I was very good. Busy day so it meant alot to me. Had lunch with Joan Thompkins + a script girl. Hot as hell outside. Called Bonestell’s + had flowers sent to Liza. Called Bess + made appt for Friday which I may have to cancel becasue of Millie. Was given some extra lines (and good ones) in last scene. Also a closeup I hadn’t expected. I didn’t leave til 6:15 – Close to a 12 hour day! but felt very good about it – though exhausted. Picked up a few groceries + came home. Note from Bank of N.Y. that the $6,000 had arrived. Note from Newcomb – He + Busy come next Thursday. Triple A bill for Peter. Winnie fixed me a salad for dinner Didn’t feel hungry enough to eat any more. Mary P + I had a drink. She + Winnie had gone to Annie’s pool + lain about in the sun. They went for a walk after dinner and I took a nap. Got up + was just considering a game of spite and malice when Jim Parker came + took Winnie + Mary for a ride. I sent Leon a check for $4,000 Special Delivery. I deposited $1,000.00 in my Cal. acct. I wrote Newcomb – and I wrote Peter, enclosing the Triple A bill + copy of my tax letter and told him I’d like to see him sometime + talk. Winnie + Mary back. Mailed all letters + went to bed about 12:30 – wakeup for 7. Timmy called from Miami today but no message “would call back” – Rae has finished all Rita’s Mss that I ‘ve proofread. Help. Have done some of novel
Was awakened at 8:55 by the phone and it was Rae O’Dell who’d left a message yesterday that I hadn’t gotten. Said she can be at the house to work 10:30 tomorrow morning. I forgot about poor Bess + my steam bath went + picked her up but didn’t have an appt. Called to see about getting a selectric machine and had to go through big song and dance about my credit. Finally went next door + asked Harvey to co sign with me which he agreed to. They’ll deliver tomorrow between 8 and 10. I futzed about a bit – clearing some junk out of the office. Went through cancelled checks + records in the hope of locating some receipts for Dick Rund but just don’t have them. Peter has to. I put in a call to him but he didn’t return it. Saw in Variety that he’s got a film job. good. But this business of not answering my call’s (specified “income tax”) is pretty damn annoying. I went over to Contour + gave Bess a ride home. Then went + bought some paper + carbon paper + clips + folders. Didn’t have check book with me so had to go + come back. Went to pick up Winnie who arrived at 7:30. Looks a trifle thinner + very well. Back to the house. No calls – only Leon “not important.” I cleared out more of the office. Gave [crossed out word] Mary some of Rita’s clothes which look great on her. The shoes unfortunately don’t fit anyone. Will take them with mine to the Good Will. Winnie + I are going to go on the Mayo Clinic Diet together. (“Lose 20 lbs. in 2 weeks” ??!!). Well we’ll try. There’s going to be a hell of a lot to do in the next few days with Rae coming tomorrow. Winnie + Mary had Tommyburgers + Mary + I had beer – A last indulgence. Bed around 11:45.
Bad, bad day. Millie arrived + Mary Parker had to let her in as I couldn’t be aroused. I woke about 10:30. The Enelow children called about noon. All sounded happy. I put in a call to Dr. Brooks. Spent the day reading “Idiots Delight” – had forgotten what a good play it is. Then started “The Artist in Society” by Laurence Hattner (?)MD. Very interesting. Took Millie home at 4 o’clock. Shortly after I got home Dr. Brooks called back. Told him what Peter had said to Mary Parker + that I figured it must have been said to some purpose. If Peter needs money I’d be glad to give it to him but I didn’t want to call him directly. Dr. Brooks said that was very “kind” and he’d relay the message + then asked how I was. I told him I thought I was alot better (certainly than a year ago) but stil got depressed. He said he was glad that I was still seeing Bob Iverson + thought a couple of years of therapy was helpful to anyone. And that he felt I could eventually have a much more rewarding relationship than I’d ever had with Peter. I said I hoped so + that “Peter + I had nothing”. He said he was glad to hear me sounding so well – blah blah and when I hung up I cried. I felt disloyal beyond belief and bereft – as though I’d written Peter off as a human. We certainly had something in the very beginning if it was only a sort of adolescent love with all the ups + downs that entails. I really felt terrible. Went to Leon’s for dinner. Suggested he send “The Lion is Busy” to Helga Moray in London. He got quite enthusiastic + maybe something will come of it. Pleasant dinner very few drinks + home about 11:30 – had a beer with Mary Parker + went to bed – Read more of the Artist in Society.
Spent alot of the morning reading Rita’s stories. I finally contacted Rae O’Dell who will come down here to the house to type next week some time. Sounds very nice. Rita’s stories extremely engrossing. Some too horror struck to easily bear. One terribly funny one. Kept thinking of Rita’s ship captain. Invited Lyle to dinner. Mary wanted to go to Campo Art to get a frame built for her new painting so I took the Archbisop and went with her in the old VW. She wanted practice shifting gears – a little hairy but not too bad. I left the Archbishop there + paid for a custom frame. Then we went out to Flax in Westwood where I left Timmy’s two little watercolors to be framed. They should be pretty. Bought a paperback copy of “Idiots Delight” + dinner groceries + we came home about 5:30. I did some washing and got dinner ready. Lyle here about 6:30 or so. Nice evening and we all three had a good time I think. Alot to drink however. Wine included I really should not mix wine in. We called up Mike Baird + Bill Brown to have a going away party for Michael and it’s all up in the air til he gets to check his calendar. After Lyle left Mary and I sat + talked. She told me that Peter had told her over the phone that he had lost all the $10,000 I gave him. He’d assumed of course that I’d mentioned it to her. Oh God – Mary went up to bed but I wanted to go on drinking – I bought more beer and called up Danny + June. Then I called Scotty + David Kitchen + Dick Kneeland + Druscilla + Mary Jean. Desperate feeling of wanting contact + or reassurance I suppose Didn’t get to bed til about 5:30.
Mother + Daddy’s anniversary – thought of calling but decided not to.
Up early. Went to get Bess + then had steam + massage. Home. Called Annie. Invited her + Joe + Moose + Fritz to dinner if the strike still on by this evening which it was. Lay in the sun a little + read more of Carry Nation. Called Liza with the Boeuf Bourgignon recipe + asked her more about her talk with Peter that time. And whether she’d talked about how unhappy she was. Which I remembered also Peter had told me. She hadn’t. But she said she probably had said something about my getting pregnant. I spoke with Mary C. who read me Margaret Harford’s review in the Times and told me it was a “rave.” As she read it out loud it became apparent that Margaret Harford didn’t say anything at all. Just recapped the plot that was some comfort. The four girls arrive Friday for the summer. Leon called + asked me to come to the office at 10:30 tomorrow. I bought 2 gorgeous steaks, string beans, salad making strawberries + sour cream. Annie + gang arrived about 8:20. Moose + Fritz put my license plates on the car. Mary Parker + Annie off to get some charcoal. We had drinks + sat in the kitchen – good time _ then had dinner. All very informal + very funny. I got started on storytelling again – as on Saturday. I miss the sort of N.Y. Theatre group evenings obviously. Everyone left at 11:30 or so. Mary P. up to bed and I retired too with wakeup call for 8 o’clock.