Up about 8:30 or 9:00. We tried to call the house but couldn’t get through. I made reservations for us on Western at 1 o’clock. Finally called Jack + Joyce who said they’d notify the girls. Cleaned up Leon’s kitchen. Had coffee + grapefruit juice with him + filled a bag full of goodies – 3 boxes of cookies, a cherry pie, a bottle of wine – candies + god knows what all else. We left at 11:20. Glorious trip to the airport until we hit the last turn off – Bumper to bumper all the way. Sightseers which just didn’t seem possible. We made the plane with no time to spare Had a bloody Mary on the plane which I thought was a mistake but blah blah blah blah. Came home + found the car which Dick had left in a 15 minute zone last night still there with only a ticket to show for it Talk about luck. On the way to the house Dick talked again about my giving up my “outside projects + concentrating on the business.” It really doesn’t seem fair at all to me. Came home + Jessie + Marty here + full of all they’d been doing. Dick went out to get a bottle of vodka + didn’t return for an hour or so. Had stopped at the Airline Bar for 3 unnecessary drinks. I gave Jess + Marty $10 to go to Circus Circus + have dinner + I took a nap. Got up about 6 + fixed a little supper Dick up later + had some soup. We sat outside with several drinks – Cooled down to 90° and a very high wind. We moved the lounges out behind the library + sat there + talked. Bot got a little hot under the collar – Dick telling me to either work in the business full time or stay out of it completely. I telling him to stop drinking so much and get down to the business of running the show. All ironed out eventually. The girls home about 10 – had loved Circus Circus + had gone to see “Airport.” Bed about midnight –
Woke around noon – Dick + June both up – though recently. We sat + had coffee + rehashed the party. June now dreading 2 o’clock date with Brownie. We were going to take all the dishes over to J + J’s to put in the machine but got sidetracked. I saw Ed Kulick out side his house + went over + got him + Casey + dragged them back. Dick poured some bloody Mary’s + that was that. J + J came over soon + Brownie who’s got to be the biggest Dud of them all came over too. Casey kept murmuring plaintively that she wanted to go home (after 4 straight bourbons) + Dick said shut up + I said she had to makeup for 3 months of not bringing me a plate of cookies! Very funny gay afternoon – The man came to pick up the bar + we pressed him to join the party. Ed + Casey left around 6:30 after dancing + cavorting around + then we decided to go out for dinner. Definite damper now in the shape of Brownie. Went to Wine Cellar – closed. Went to Mexican place + Dick picked up the tab. That being the case I felt Brownie could have stopped whining about the service. He left us after dinner – 10:30 or so + we went to Frank’s bar for a drink. Gave Jerry a hard time for not coming to the party. I had a $100 check in my pocket from yesterday when the bank was closed + wanted to go to the Hacienda – $20.00 each. Dumb, Dumb me. Went + Dick got angry + left. I found J + J. + June + then Dick came back. Insisted on driving + oh dear- oh dear. Home. June to bed. Dick + I had bad fight with blows exchanged. I walked over to J + J’s – only found the place thanks to the dog –
I went to G.M’s at 8:30 – Too early to have coffee with Pat. Went to the Safeway + got hamburgers + pepsi for Dick, George + Leo. Went out to the job on Five Pennies Lane. They’re really doing beautiful work. Met a guy named Benny O’Bannion who suggested I write letters with Pictures + resume’s to all the ad agencies here in town + then have Leon sign them + mail them from Los Angeles. Makes very good sense. Came home + called Dorothy who said she’d mail out some office stationery immediately. Wendy here + had gotten a good start without me to bog her down. I finally finished the back door, Isabell called (she’s now Isabel G. Sanford!) and Sanford’s bail was reduced to $650. She asked for the other $250 which I stuck in an envelope to mail. We talked a bit about the boys – Acting? for Sanford? I’d called Bill Staples cabinet shop about the book shelves + he came over around 5:30. Estimate $730 + can’t start it for at least 4 weeks. I was very upset + cried after he’d gone. Dick was already mad at me so my despair was complete – if short lived – we went over to J + J’s + wound up getting drunk there. Came home + didn’t even have dinner just went to bed. Dick said we’ll make the shelves ourselves. Rusty killed all J + J’s chickens.
Up early. Dick still angry. I wrote a letter to Daddy. Dick left about 10 o’clock in foul humor. I told him before he left that I’d meet him at the house + also that I hadn’t said what he thought I did last night. I went to the house about 11 o’clock. Spent one whole hour trying to open an unopenable can of leg oil. Got the whole edge worked up but couldn’t do it. Dick got there about 12:15. First hour was just awful. Then after a while he began to thaw out a little – We painted the kitchen. I did the ceiling + over hangs in the kitchen. Dick spread glue + laid the vinyl tiles. It was all visible work + good for the morale. [crossed out letter] He hung a door too. We went over to Jack + Joyce’s had some wine coolers. We went to the Raven for dinner all covered with paint. Noisy party at next table. Home + bed.
Busy day. Called Annie. She’d had fun last night with Cassie + Bill + Mom Michels + George (not Alma) Told me to send the charm to 66th St. Soon after I hung up Cassie called + said they’d had a good time. I spoke with Val + the lease papers are in the mail. Graysons called to sign Escrow papers at 3 at Bank of Nevada. I sent a dollar to top name on chain letter + sent copies of letter to Jamie, Jim Parker, Mary + Les, + George + Judy. I wrote Paul + then paid Mr. Mendoza, sent money to L.A. acct. paid some bills and sent photo plus brief note to Micheles. Mailed everything plus charm + bought some stamps. Dick home in time to go to bank with me. Then over to look at the house on Bonita. The tile in. Went to Paintin’ Place + bought some paint + glue for floor tiles. “Snicks” came to the house at 5 with record of By Jupiter. Dick fixed us wine coolers. Snicks left at 6:45 or so. We went to Louigi’s for dinner but no prime rib so over to Villa D’Este + then back to Louigi’s. Dick saw Mr. Warner about pool job. I played 21 at the 1 table there. Just me + the dealer. I lost $75.00. Then we went to the Castaways. Dick lost + won it all back so we left. Slight altercation about having a drink at the bar. Stopped at Frankie’s on the way home then went to the Red Rock but didn’t stop Home + a fight that didn’t get started as I went to bed. Dick said I was just like Laura as far as George was concerned + I said I wasn’t + did not say what he said I did.
[continued from June 28th…] to have bedsores. Was sorry his work interfered with my “social life.” Maybe I just better get back to L.A. if my social life was so important. I didn’t have any interest in the house. I let the “dogs run our lives.” I let the flies in the kitchen because I cared more for them than him + I am “cold.” There was no let-up. An absolute tirade. I was sober + defenseless + still very angry. Much too angry to sleep. So I fixed myself a drink + Dick went in to watch TV. I asked him if that were so much better than having your nose buried in a book. I wanted to talk but Dick went to bed so I wrote out point by point answers to all the accusations in the meantime finishing off the bottle of bourbon we’d bought last Saturday. I got drunk + when I finished my notes I went + woke him up + made him read them which I don’t think he could. (especially the last few) + we got into a real tearing fight. I hit him + he threw his drink in my face – the ice cut my forehead but I wasn’t aware of that til much later. I went to bed/
I woke about 4 o’clock. Had my first hangover (real hangover) in a month. Splitting headache. Got up + made coffee + went back to bed. Dick home at 5:30. I was in bed. I was still angry but thank God Dick was in a conciliatory mood. Not that it was all over right a way. We went through the L.A. bit again. Also the people thinking he’d married me for my money. That’s what kills me! It makes me sound like some object. What about HER whose money SHE is married for. Has SHE no say? And Dick goes around telling everyone I’m loaded. He’s proud of it + then can’t understand when people say the things they do. He’s so damn naive about it + I’m in the middle.
Danny Henderson called about a pool. Dick + I went over to the Embers for our (Late) reconciliation dinner. Had a drink + wine + I drove home. Bed about 12:30 –
Dick off early – I wrote Bill Wellborne with money. Talked about Leon. Packed Jessie’s books. Paid bills, sent pay check for “My 3 sons” ($139 out of $225!!) to Security First Nat’l. Sent commission to Leon. ($22.50 turning my net to $117!) Went to Post office + bought some groceries. Fixed Shepherds pie for lunch. Bob’s funeral at 2 o’clock. Lou Manchon called + said Dick told him [crossed out letters) I was interested in investing in the casino. That upset me but I told him I had no control over my money that it was all in trust. Lou asked us out to dinner tonight +, having stated my case, I was very pleased. He said he’d call us around 6 o’clock. The funeral was very small. The family all were behind a curtain. Odd. Jack + Joyce sat with us. Tony Carillo there looking very nice. After people filed up to view the body. I filed out instead. We (Dick + I + J + J) went to Frankie’s bar after + had several (4) drinks + played the slot machines. Then came home. Dick fixed another + I told him not to – mistake. I lay down + fell fast asleep. Woke up at 7:15. Dick gone. Lou had never called. Dick had left a note he was going to Rich Stanley’s to collect money. Note dated 6:45. I called Rich’s at 9:15. Dick gone for an hour + a half. I tried Frank’s + he was there. I told him I was going to the Fremont Hotel + that I was bored sitting around the house. I was furious. Took a cab to the Fremont. Got there at 10. Played 21. Lost but not alot. drank fresca + coffee. Dick appeared at 11:30 + said “we’ll discuss your being bored at home” + disappeared. That finished my evening. Took a cab home after looking for him every where. He came in 40 minutes after I did. Thoroughly drunk + very disagreeable. Told me I spent so much time lying down I ought (over) [continued…]
Was up early. Diary – knit ice cream cone square. Read the ustinov play, Halfway up the tree. Enjoyed it Sam Waterston had big + funny part in it. Left the house around 11:30. Stopped by the Dessert Inn Golf course – Saw Dick. Went to B’way + bought a small chest of drawers to keep yarn in. Bought some wool + graph paper at woolworth’s. Was hot + depressed today. Came home about 2:30 + fell sound asleep til nearly 6. Dick in foul humor which didn’t help. Got my period + that didn’t help either. I would like so much to get pregnant. Went to the nursery + had flowers sent to the Palm mortuary for Bob. Bought ham for dinner. Served with apricots – string beans + potatos. Dick watched TV after – I couldn’t face it another night. Read some of “Little Dorrit” – a Dickens I’d never read. Dick had been “so tired” + then of course after 6 or 7 drinks he felt fine. I tried + tried to sleep. Took a miltown. Didn’t help. Felt horribly sorry for myself. I guess I want a baby too much. Our life at the moment seems absolutely pointless. Alot of this I guess has been pointed up by Bob’s death and before that Jack Mulholland’s. All the drinking and the mind going to waste and all there is in the world to see + feel + just letting it go by unseen, unfelt. Dick asks me to “help” him but then refuses help. I suppose it’s really all up to me but I don’t know if I can do it all. I love Dick but I’m not sure that’s enough. Maybe I’m too easily discouraged. I’ve gotten my weight down to 120 lbs. and I haven’t been drunk in over a month (May 28th) although I have had alot to drink several times but none of that has had the least bit of influence. It’s only helped me + I’ve always been able to help me –
Dick off early – a few minutes later the phone rang + it was Phil who’d been driving all night. Told him where the guys were working + how glad Dick would be. So am I. Caught up diary + ironed dresses. Went out in the yard + cleaned up all the dog crap + then picked up the foam rubber – “confetti factory” Threw out the old pad Lay down for a little and Seth called from New London. We made arrangements about the phone at Alaria – it will be in his name – + he told me there was a check for $540.00 on the way. Whee. Was all excited + started pottering around. Finally did take nap after reading Louis’ essay on Iago. Interesting. Dick home at 1:30. He took a nap and I went to the Bank + deposited insurance check, to a variety store and bought some wool, then to Grant’s + got a new lounge pad + a small rug to cover up the tear + a shoebrush for Dick. Then some stationery at Dana McKay’s. Mailed my contract to CBS. Went to Safeway for liver + groceries – then to panorama for some special ingredients and to play the machine. Home at 4:00 Dick asleep so I took tiny nap. Phone rang alot. The drywall is up on the ceilings in the house. Gene Wright called Dick + tried to interest him for 40 minutes in the plastic pool business. One day installation, etc. It had been tried in the 50’s by Anthony pools + didn’t work but my feeling is that Dick should investigate further before flatly saying no. Seems to me they’d sell like hot cakes – if they work + the improvements in plastics have been enormous. We got into an argument + I was rewarded with a splitting headache. The argument was short lived but the headache stayed all evening. We watched TV + went to bed about 10:30.
Woke early – Sheer hunger. Had planned to go to Globe Health Spa today but once more didn’t make it. Waited around for Irene’s friend to call. Finally called her. Name of the pet shop is P.I.C. Told her I’d take Barkis over this afternoon. Mail brought card from Daddy with $100.00, residual check from Green Acres for [crossed out word] $88.68, card from Mother Michels signed “Mom” + a card from Timmy. I sent Leon his commission, the gas bill to Paul, returned a S.A.G. form + mailed some letters for Dick. Caught up on diary. Went + picked up my new glasses. God they’re strong + after a while driving around I began to get a splitting headache. I went to Sears + bought a bathing suit, a new bulletin board for Moose at Hatche’s. A book at the book shop. Went to bank + deposited Daddy’s check, the residual check + $300 from the N.Y. acct. Got a ham slice for Dick’s dinner and some more metrical. By the time I was home my head was coming off. Called Miss Toussaint at P.I.C. + told her I couldn’t make it today. I worked on sweater. Have finished sewing it together + finished the pockets. Only the facings + collar remain. Dick back from Bullhead city about 3:30 or 4. From the other room asked if I’d like to “come along.” I said “I thought I couldn’t” + that was that. Joyce called later while we were eating + I told her I was trying to get rid of Barkis + she said she’d “ask the girls at work.” I started to cry + Dick stormed out. Dinner uneaten. After a while I called Joyce as I thought he might have gone there. She said I had to take a stand somewhere + I guess she’s right. Only poor little Barkis shouldn’t be the stand. I’ve agreed + it’s too late now. Besides it isn’t fair to him. She also said I ought to go to Bullhead city + I told her it had become a question of pride by now + I couldn’t ask – “swallow your pride.” Dick home about ten + I did. Asked if I could go. Yes I can. Big fucking deal.
I slept late this morning + read more of my detective collection from Carl + Sue. I wrote Lyle + Timmy (with A.A.) + wrote in a copy of “Lion is Busy” for Blake Auchinchloss [Auchincloss]. Paid our gas bill + sent in 5 entrys to the “Surf” contest. Mary called. Talked over half an hour. She sounded sober but odd as hell. One wonders where the hell it will all end. I went to the post office + picked up my insured pkge. Turned out to be the Mss. of “Fit to Be Tied” from Bob Iverson. With a note saying he’d enjoyed it + that he + Marlie hope to be here sometime soon. Nice letter from Elizabeth today. I went to Vegas Village to look for a bathing suit for Bullhead city + that’s when my day turned Black. Couldn’t fit into a size 12! Not one. Bulged all over. I came home in despair after buying some metrecal. Dick laughed when I told him + that did it. He really isn’t any help on a diet. But this time I’m not going to expect any and I’m not going to chicken out. He had a drink immediately + then asked me to fix another for him + come talk to him. The Bullhead City plan has all changed again + it seems better if I don’t go. I felt just awfully about it having now gotten myself into really looking forward to it. On the positive side though I can diet as strenuously as I want to by myself. But it’s a hell of a bleak birthday prospect. Dick took a nap + I read. Then he went to the house. The Bldg permit this time had been burned. Jimmy Judge came to dinner + showed us his bookkeeping on the new business. Seems to be doing very well. I had Metrecal for dinner – We went to bed about 10:30. Dick up in the middle of the night. I’d gotten up too to go to the John + he was all upset about Barkis again “Hair everywhere” Blah Blah – “I wish you’d wise up + get rid of him.” That did it.
Dick off early. I finished first sock + started the 2nd. Wrote Jessie a Birthday card with $10, paid the garbage bill + sent some money to the Nat’l Council for Negro Women. Then I wrote a long letter to Equitable Savings about my tax payments. Called Sheldon Andelson [Adelson] to clear it with him. I’d gotten a bit sniffy at the end + said if they wanted to cancel my loan to go ahead. He told me to revise that + “suggest” they look “further into the erroneous delinquency.” Suppose he’s right. Jim not up until after 12 not off until after one. He’ll have a slow long drive at that rate. I went to the post office + then over to the house. Jack + Joyce + George + Dick there. Large cooler of beer. I had a couple then Joyce + I went to a service station to pee + got some more. It went straight to my head as I hadn’t eaten + all I felt like was more + more + more. We came home. Dick called A.W. Hutson about the cooler + I talked with him about the chem. fertilizer. He sounds nice + will be in town soon. We went [crossed out word] some place to eat + then to the Fremont to gamble where I lost all. Back to the Raven bar. Drinking like it was going out of style. Dick hired a cab to take us home but I said it was too close + I walked halfway home. Then he picked me up in the VW. Came home + had a horrible horrible evening. Really unforgivable things said. Was glad the people next door had gone off for the weekend.
Letter from Annie – Fritz is going to produce “By Jupiter” here in Vegas + there’s a part I’d be right for (?) Musical version of Warrior’s Husband.
I went all through the house at 1:30 – But the car had gone. Came up + slept til about 5. Woke, Peter not here. Read for about [crossed out word] 40 minutes or so + I suppose prayed or something. Finally decided to take Mother’s car + see if he’d gone to Alaria. Tried to be quiet but not easy. Got there + found him + Russell trying to give him eggs + coffee. Peter had beer. I saw him, he saw me + I left. Anthony who was down also offered me coffee. “Aunt Patsy, can I get you something to drink? Coffee or a beer?” But I was crying + didn’t even turn around. Russell came out as I was getting in the car + said he’d try to get him to bed. I came home + met Ethel in the kitchen – told her Peter was at Alaria and went upstairs with some coffee. Wrote postcards. Peter came in at 7:30. Said he was going to sleep for 3 hours + lay down. I went down + had breakfast with Mother + Daddy. Drue called about 9:30 + asked us if we could come tomorrow instead of today as Dick wanted to entertain in the apt. I thought it was a god send but when I told Peter (he woke up about 11 o’clock) he said he had to “get out of this place. I hate myself here. I can’t stand it.” I told him if he would sleep until 2:30 we would leave by 3 o’clock. He was in a ghastly state + I felt pretty shaken by it. Miltowns are the order of the day. Mary called from California person-to-person to me. Only I was in Mother’s bedroom helping her pack. Mary sounded very down + said she had some good news + some bad. She passed her exams. She’s hired Eleanor Luster (both good) + the “bad” was that Eleanor Luster told her not to help James out at Wesleyan. I told Mary that obviously to me that was good news too (as the money was coming from me.) Mother (who didn’t hear any of that part) spoke to Mary + I said all the right, gay, endearing things. Mary also said to me, “I want to apologize” – good for her but of course I couldn’t go into it. Russell came over + later Colby + Hilary + Jim. Poor Peter was tossing fitfully upstairs. Mother, Daddy + I had Sunday dinner. Then I finished packing + woke Peter. He came down + we left soon after – just about at 3:00. He (+ because of his upset, I) were the only ones who felt badly about all this. We drove through rain most of the way. Stopped in Springfield for some soup. Then on down. Called the Riverdale house at 9:00 from Elmswood + the tenant Lee Theodore said we could stay there. We went to the Yu Gardens in Riverdale for a late + very good Chinese dinner + then picked up a few things for breakfast at 242nd St and went to Sigma Place. Nobody up so we went to the front bedroom, undressed, had a beer + went to bed. Peter doesn’t want any part of Alaria I’m afraid – at least not at the moment but he’s working things out + he may change his mind.
Woke at 6 – then 7- then 8. Went downstairs at 9. Mrs. Merrill + Ethel hovering in the hall – no sound from Daddy who never sleeps past 8. Went upstairs + heard him groaning + thought Oh God how can it it happen. Well hell – he was groaning at what time it was + bounced up chipper as a 5 year old. Daddy off to the hospital right after breakfast. I fretted over notes for the academy speech. Peter down at 10:30 + helped. Russell came by + took me back to Alaria where I washed my hair + made up my face with liberal sprinklings of magic secret. Joan + Chester Kerr were there briefly with Allison + Hilary Mills + were very complimentary about the souvenir program. Daddy called + said Mother was coming home + that they would be going to Hot Springs after all on Monday. Colby drove me in + we picked out some clothes which she took down to Mother. Peter took me over to the Alumnae Lounge + we looked the place over. He went over my address with me several times with good suggestions + he also was my plant in the Mrs. Nelson bit. I saw a few people before – all of whom asked after mother. Mr. London introduced me a lot quicker than I’d thought. Such a strange audience. There were several back for their 70th reunion. I went zipping right along but the laughs or even titters were far + few between. Peter started the applause which stopped about when he did. We left right after – I had the feeling they were thinking “Where did that great noisy girl come from?” Ev. Woodman very complimentary + extremely factual + one old man who also left early told me he’d known “teachers just like that” + added that he was a teacher. Went over to the homestead + there was mother upstairs in the bathroom with her head in the sink while Betty Nichols shampooed her. She looked just wonderfully. Sam Best had called early in the day + said “My heart ached for your mother all through those parties I could see the strain she was under.” Thank God everything’s all right. Went to Alaria, packed + cleaned up, stopped at Hilary + Jims to pick up some “profiles” then to the homestead where I did some laundry. Cocktails + dinner. All pleasant all relaxed. Extraordinary coincidence of Daddy + Peter both knowing Mike Doresias. Mother + Daddy up about 9. I ironed + Peter + I sat + talked – I with beer and he with booze + the talk turned to a fight. I came upstairs at 12 o’clock + he’s sitting down in the living room by himself – it’s about 1:30 I went down + he’d gone + so was the car.
Rather a dumb day in a way. I made Smith calls + wrote Smith notes – (4 calls + 4 notes – total of six contacts) Have six to go – Ugh. Called Joyce Ryan to say that Peter couldn’t make it tomorrow night. Jan Forman called + invited us to dinner tonight at 8 o’clock + I accepted like a shot. Called George Spicer + made hair appt for Tuesday. Used the relaxacisor. Washed Peter’s no-press shirts – they all have ink marks on the breast pockets. Peter made 3 good copies of his tape at Dick Erdman’s + evidently Dick thoroughly enjoyed the tape which was nice. Then Peter went to the club. Home at 7:00 Humbug chewed up more of our Chinese hooked rug and I really whacked him. I thought he’d never touch it again after the last time almost 3 months ago. We drove out to Jan + Mels – we had a pint of bourbon between us – didn’t eat til around ten. Peter played his tape + they both loved it + I was amazed at how smoothly and quickly it went. Almost too quickly now. I missed a few of the things he’d cut. But it really is excellent – We had a very nice time + a superb dinner – fresh salmon with a heavenly sauce. The only thing is we were smashed by the time we ate. We came home + had more to drink and another of our unspeakable fights.